Monday, June 13, 2016


I am finding silence difficult. My mind wants to focus on anything that can distract itself from the thought of what if.

What if Oldest's car hadn't died sending her to Sunnyville and she was at her home in Orlando with Saturday being her 2nd night off from work in a row?

What if she didn't arrive in Orlando Saturday evening exhausted from a day of boating, swimming, and car issues in Sunnyville, and instead had been home all day & looking to get out of the house?

What if I couldn't have sent a text saying, "I'm so glad you didn't go out last night." and received the reply, "Yeah, me too."?

What if my beautiful, vibrant baby had decided to go to a club she occasionally visits to enjoy music and friends without hurting another living soul only to be shot down by a psychopath?

The hell of it is these are thoughts no mother should have floating in her head while she waits at the stop light and the radio fades to background as the thoughts swirl in and out of focus. Yet there are many like me, and so much worse.

Grievously, there are parents that know beyond a doubt what if. And it is horrendous and grotesque. The heartache I feel for the victims, parents, siblings, & friends is oppressive, but does nothing to heal their pain or stop the madness.

So, no I don't want to defend the need for better gun laws and more efficient enforcement. I don't want to discuss psychotic religious fundamentalists or sociopath terrorists. I don't want to hear the noise coming from every direction - everyone with a political or social position to push. I am sure there are many strong arguments for the public and their right to know. But this is not the time to promote your position.

This is the time to mourn. To unite as a nation and a species. To say to the victims and their loved ones we grieve with you. We cannot fathom your pain, but we are mourning your loss with you. We know the that there but for the grace of God go we.