Tenacity - Mom's Gift

"Your mom is always so organized and calm. Did she ever get mad when you were a kid?" These are the types of statements I hear about my mom when I take my kids to their pediatrician. (See, my mother is my pediatrician's accountant, which is very helpful when she needs to run one to the dr. for me.)

I always say she IS just a great mom. Then Mom and I laugh about how people perceive one another. After 15 years, it is pretty much a standing joke. Let me explain. My mother had six kids. Having half that many myself, let me assure you, raising kids without ever yelling is impossible unless you are physically unable to speak.

And my mom was a yeller. To the point where she would yell at you, leave the room, think of another trespass, and yell at you from another room or even another level of the house! Not. Exaggerating. 

Heck, the woman stands 5'2 and teen boys were terrified of her wrath my husband included.

The ability to seem imposing is one of the gifts imparted to me. There is no way I could keep 40+ 7th grade boys in line each day without screaming if I didn't have some skill in the fine art of seeming to be more scary than I am.

Her ability to pick herself up after the collapse of a 20 year marriage and return to school was phenomenal. But even more so, was the fact that she did this while 3 children were still at home needing care and 2 were in college. I can even remember sitting in the college lounge doing homework while she was in class mostly I remember the hot chocolate vending machine.(she went on to own her own accounting firm)This model may be the reason I was able to return to college and complete my degree barely a week before Youngest was born. 

She is a feisty, strong woman who made it known to her children that there was nothing a little hard work and a lot of commitment wouldn't achieve. She lead by example and with a ton of love. For that I am eternally thankful. Happy Mother's Day!

Musings and Missings

My mother took the "tour of death" a few days ago. No, no she is fine. She went on an outing with a friend to: an old folks home, a crematorium, and the (local) National Cemetery. The reasons for the locations are not important; having something to do with visiting, errands, and curiosity. Whatever the reason she was reflective later and wanted to talk about plans.

I listened to her plans and wishes making suggestions, and doing voice impressions of my siblings as they will sound in arguing about her final wishes. I challenged her to come-up with a better plan in a few instances, that kind of thing. She laughingly noted that while the other (5) siblings won't even talk about it, threatening to run screaming from the room, I am playing devil's advocate.

Before you go judging me as a wicked child, listen to my side. I do not expect my mother to pass soon in any way, shape, or form. She is healthy, happy, and in complete control of her life (she's only in her 60's). This is the time to talk about it. It doesn't bring me a sense foreboding now. It is a distant event, hazy and pain-free. Another reason is that I have experience. Being the wife of an only child, we were thrust into this process 6 years ago. And it SUCKED. Sitting in the hospital while a loved one is ill and trying to discreetly ask about her wishes without intimating that the end is near is truly awful.

Of course the conversations with my mom reminded me how much I miss my MiL. She died exactly 1 year + the length of Youngest's life ago. (Yes, youngest appears to have been born exactly 1 year later - a fact Teen says we should never confess to her.) In contrast to the stereotyped MiL relationship, I had a great friendship/pseudo-daughter-relationship with my MiL. Of course there were times when I was a teen that I am sure she could've thrown me from a roof, but my own parents felt the same It seems that 6 years has passed in a blink, yet she has missed so much.

I can almost hear her laughing with Teen over her hair-color-of-the-week, getting a kick out of the fact that we face the same personality we posed as teens. And I envision her basking in Boy's charms and challenges, as she faced many of these behaviors with her son. These 2 have memories. They remember a Nana that would move heaven and earth for them; who would take their side in almost any situation. A Nana who gave-up her entire life in Chicago to move to Sunnyland because she was determined to spend the remainder of her life near them. But Youngest has no experience with this. It makes me sad, because this is just the type of doting admiration that would appeal to her princess nature.