Keep a Teen Handy for the Unexpected

If you ever have occasion to be out and child services comes calling because a woman who you are helping refuses to be accountable for her actions and instead calls in malicious complaints about the family who is raising her baby, and I hope you never do, have someone like Teen at home. The great thing about teens at least in this situation is they know they are right. Deep in their bones and everywhere else, they know with an unapologetic certainty what justice entails and are more than willing to lay it on the table.

In this case it presented itself in the form of Teen answering the question of "are you cleared to care for [Baby K]?" with the flippant response of, "I've lived here my whole life, so I would assume I've been cleared." Directly followed by a full description given to the poor investigator (who had the misfortune to be next-up when this blatantly false call was received) of the previous antics of baby-momma encountered by my family in the past 10 months. All done while inspecting the investigator's ID at least that is my sincere hope and showing Baby K's not surprisingly pristine back, arms, legs, face yeah, you get the idea to the investigator.

Now, mind you, I have no problem with Teen's handling of this situation. In fact, I believe she did a stellar job; which was only reinforced when in speaking with the investigator the next day I was told, "Your daughter is amazing with her and the baby is so bonded too. She laid her head right down and rested on your daughter's shoulder."

Who knew that upon taking in a child you should prep your children not to talk to authorities of any kind and to have them say something along the lines of, "My parents aren't here right now. I will call them immediately and until they arrive you may wait on the porch?" I mean honestly. It had never occurred to me that someone could question my child without me being home...

So, yes I was angry. At the situation, not at any one person. I was angry that my children can have their lives disrupted by this nonsense and that while there are 50billion ways the parent's rights are protected, I often feel like we are hanging in the breeze waiting for the next emotional storm to erupt and our reputations and lives to be questioned. I was angry that I had to tell my children that they are not allowed to talk to people of authority unless there is an emergency or we are present. I was angry at the hassle of it all.

Would I ever say, "Enough - take her back?" HELL NO. Who else knows all her cries? Who else can see her scratching the back of her neck and know it means she is overwhelmed and exhausted? Who else can get her to belly laugh from across the room with a well-timed expression or reaction? We are her family. And she is ours.

So we muddle through the bureaucratic BS and hope her life is never touched by the chaos. We give her all of our love and affection while creating a safe harbor of stability in an otherwise hectic world. We parent.

*Note: For those of you concerned, a police officer has contacted me and is looking into pressing charges against baby-momma for false reports. He said he hopes he can make a case the prosecution will take. We shall see...*

Another One of Those Days

Have you ever had a day when...

a fervent desire to be a stay-at-home mom was your first full thought as you pictured the day ahead?

you leave work early to complete pick-ups from the daycare and the high school in order to bring Teen to her early admissions orientation, only to be forced into the hall because Baby insists on banging her cups together and happily hollering loudly to the room at large?

you are driving home, yearning for nothing more than simply taking off your shoes and you remember the fridge is practically bare - necessitating one more errand before you will reach the harbor of home?

you check your phone and see Boy called and upon returning his call you are forced to cajole him into cleaning the mess the dog left, hoping against hope that he will actually do so before you arrive with a trunk full of groceries?

you arrive home 12 hours after leaving it, to an unloaded dishwasher, causing the cluttered counter as you try to locate areas for all those bags of groceries that now need to be put away?

you realize that not only has Boy cleaned-up the dog mess, he has also made dinner for Youngest, and is now emptying the dishwasher of his own volition, and you realize just how responsible he has become in the last year?

even through your exhausted state, as you watch Youngest reorganize the craft closet simply because it was messy, it dawns on you just how lucky you are to have this messy, errand-causing, amazing, caring thing we simply call family?

Treat or Terror?

Was looking for something to share with my writing class today and ran across this old post from 2/1/10. It is classic. Enjoy :)

Lifestyle changes have swept my home slowly over the past year. In an effort to be healthy, we all try to eat good foods everyday. That is not to say a can of spaghettios can't make it way through the door, but serving up some fast-food drive-through for dinner just doesn't fly. It was largely due to these facts that my family found itself having a huge treat on a Weds night. Well, that and my moaning about cooking while recovering from the flu. 

We took the kids to a Japanese Grill and Sushi bar. We had gone before, when Youngest was only 3- see a big treat. The kids were surprised and on their "going to dinner" behavior, so I was relaxed and happy at the prospect of dinner and entertainment. As we greeted the couple forced destined to share our table, Youngest's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. Dinner was turning into a full-out adventure in her five-year-old world. 

When the chef came to the grill and began everyone was happily watching. He has the show and Youngest was seated squarely in front of the grill, the best seat at the table. At the first sight of flames, she shrank back into her chair and father simultaneously. A soft squeal escaping her lips. She was duly comforted, and convinced of the safety of her seat. At least until the fire was made known again through an onion "candle" burning to the side. Youngest could no longer keep her cool and she was standing squarely behind me for the rest of the cooking portion. 

Eventually dinner was done cooking and Youngest was convinced to regain her seat and enjoy her food halfway through the meal. She was just beginning to eat with gusto when the grill behind her was set on fire.  She informed me with all the indignity a 5 year-old can muster, "This place is terrifying!" While restraining myself to mere chuckles I escorted her to the bathroom to take an opportunity to calm her. She was firm. She was full, and done with dinner. I agreed we could go, and we headed to the table to gather our things, mostly doggie bags. Just as I was gathering our things, the chef cleans the grill with a douse of cleaner and a towering inferno.  Without turning her head or batting an eye, she released a reverberating "AHHHHHH!!!" and dove under the table! The entire restaurant was in giggles as she scurried to me and firmly announced done with dinner, and would wait for us outside. Which she did. Accompanied by Teen who was done eating and had our doggie bags in hand and Boy who was thrilled that he would have left-overs in his lunch. Oh-well at least 4 out of 5 enjoyed the evening!

Armchair Parenting

It's sure to be the next big hit. Simply follow these easy steps and you, too, can be making decisions, judgements, and suggestions for things you know nothing about.

Step One: Have your child removed from your care because you are not any or all of the following: sane enough; sober enough; conscientious enough; parent enough to raise/care for your own child.

Step Two: Have sporadic 1-hour visits with your child making lame excuses for the visits you miss. Be sure to have zero contact with anyone connected to your child or her well-being for at least 4 months in a row (fully one HALF of the baby's life to date), then come back and profess your undying love for the baby, throwing-in how much you miss her and are such a good mommy.

Step Three: Be sure to throw a fit over any bug bite or left-over healing chicken pock that you had no idea existed because you did NOT see her for FOUR months. Refuse to listen to the reassurances from the supervisors of your visit (who also work for the state), but wait a FULL WEEK before your vengeance "concern" leads you to call DCF to report your "concerns" along with your exaggerations and lies. Because of course you believe that they will magically return the baby to your care. Send DCF to the home of the totally normal family who loves and cares for your daughter as if she were your own for the THIRD time with false allegations.

Step Four: After having two visits and cancelling a third, show you are a loving parent by insisting your child be put through the pain and ordeal of allergy testing because you are certain she has allergies from the 2 hours you have spent with her in the past 5 months. 

Step Five: Insist you know everything though you have not the slightest inkling of what parenting involves, who her doctor is, or even how much diapers cost. Never open a book to read what milestones are approaching, or look into the "allergies" you are certain she must have. Don't forget to continue partying like a rock star while you lament the fact that you unfairly had your baby taken from you by evil-doers who are out to get you.

Finally: Be sure to blame everyone but yourself for the problems in your life and continue to insist you are doing everything in your power to regain custody while never confronting the fact that problem is you.

This is my life. Am I bitter? Possibly, but only because I am terrified she will do just enough to have this precious, perfect baby handed to her, while still remaining unchanged.

It Aint Stand-Up, But I'll Take It

Yesterday evening was going quite well. I had managed to retrieve Youngest from choir bring her home, feed dinner to the masses and get both Youngest and Boy to a 4H meeting. All with a sick Baby at home which helped because I was not at work, but I am taking the credit anyway.Anyway, at the end of listening to a room full of 6-8 year-olds clogging their hearts out, I thought we needed a treat.

As I steered us into a local shake place, I called Teen to see what she wanted. At this point I had some stressful, frustrating news dumped upon me. No one in my home had done anything wrong, but my mood became a roiling mass of irritation. The kids, hearing my calls and sensing my mood sat quietly sipping their shakes when Boy suggested we needed some music to lighten the mood. 

"Music won't cure this mood," I informed him. Never willing to say die, Boy instantly made a very bad joke. With a grimace I informed him that wasn't a joke, it was horrible. So he pops out with, "Should we stop for Kentucky Fried Chicken? - No?"

"How about some California monkey?" Bad on so many levels, but I couldn't help it, I laughed. 

We proceeded to spend the rest of the ride trying to laugh while frowning. Impossible, just so you know. While this episode didn't cure the woes of having a foster-child with a hateful mother, it did go a long way toward easing some tension, and cementing my belief that Boy should not be a comedian.

Mini Bully, Mini Mimic

Having a verbal seven-year-old puts a parent in touch with many simple joys, but also gives a clear look into the dark-side of second grade. Which holds enough wrong-doing that Batman would have a difficult time keeping up with the perpetrators. 

Being the type-B mom that I am, I lend a sympathetic ear to the injustices. These include 3 kids holding the bathroom door so another child couldn't leave, the day-to-day cliques of who can sit where at lunch, and the more hurtful personal attacks and injuries. I keep an ear open for real atrocities, and how Youngest reacts to the jungle that is 2nd grade America as well as to how the teachers handle these situations. After hearing Youngest's view on "true friends" which went something like "they don't hurt you even if you don't agree with each other." and her affirmation that she had 2 "true friends" at school, I encouraged her to stick to her guns and avoid "the meanies." See in type-B land I don't have to rush to a conference or panic, there is no need. Yes, life is not all daisies, a fact I have known since elementary school myself, but she is handling it.

But still, you gotta wonder, what makes these girls think this behavior is okay. I do. Then I spent some time watching a certain kids cable station. Yes, I have seen these shows before, but today something clicked. A certain nanny was plotting against her charge to receive the affections of a guy. Typical stunts and hilarity ensued. But, then as one makes amends with another and it looks like a happy ending, in fact the other has taken the plotting public. Sadly this is nothing new. Since the days of Drake and Josh, another kid show, girls have been shown to be deviously plotting and bullying those around them. Is this seriously how we want to raise our future women, or current 2nd graders? 

I do not want to boycott the show, or genre for that matter. My kids watch it. I do point out issues I have with episodes while they are airing, much to the dissatisfaction of my kids. But it does beg the question: Are the "meanies" in 2nd grade really bullies, or simply mimicking what they are seeing daily?

Starting Over

Saying I'm back doesn't even begin to cover it. What I am really saying is "I'm starting over." That is how it feels. Much of my blog role is gone and I doubt previous readers will be flocking to me obligatory friends and family excepted. No long, wordy explanation for my absence. I have one word. Baby.

Delving back into parenting an infant has been exhilarating. But, dealing with the foster-care system has been exhausting. Now I feel like I am in a groove, or in enough need of some on-line support that I am making the time for me to vent er blog.

So, hello! Let me introduce myself. I am a mother, aunt/foster-mother, who firmly believes in type-B parenting and is being forced to live a type-A parenting situation.  My blog is largely focused on the adventures of raising a family in the modern world where children are walked or driven to play dates on their own blocks or placed in so many activities they need personal assistants to keep their schedules straight. And while I too believe in well-rounded kids, my methods are a bit more down-to-earth. If this sounds intriguing, welcome. And if you are a curious on-looker who wonders how my 3 children and 1 niece can possibly survive with this type of parenting, welcome!