Just say Thanks

Most everyone has them. Those little pet peeves that just get under your skin and nag at you. Maybe you don't even realize it until days later there it is in your mind again. That is how it is with me and appreciation. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for appreciation if I were I definitely wouldn't work with 90+ middle schoolers everyday.

The appreciation I am looking for is more in the Col. Nathan Jessep, A Few Good Men style. I was listening to a news story about heroin abuse in Russia. It is a huge problem that is devastating the population. At this point they have my sympathy. It is difficult to live this day in age without knowing someone whose life was affected in some way by an addiction issue. So, I'm driving along feeling badly for the country.

And then, some guy is translated blaming the US for the problem. It seems in his view our country is not doing enough to stop the drug proliferation from spreading out of Afghanistan. Are you kidding me?

How can it be the same countries that miss no opportunity to criticize and harass the US for being "where we don't belong" are also the same countries that want us to fix all their problems? Do they not know we can't even fix our pharmaceutical drug issues let alone street drug problem? If you want the darn poppy field destroyed - contribute more men to the cause! Work as allies instead of waiting on the sidelines. And if you can't do that, then by all means as Col. Jessep suggests, "Say thank you and be on your way."

Now, it is Fatherhood Friday! So, scoot on over to DadBlogs and read some great stories and thoughts!

*raging loudly at the world*

I had planned to write a lighthearted post about the wonderful things to be enjoyed in life for today. Sadly, that will not be happening.

A child at my school committed suicide yesterday. A preteen who has barely had a glimpse of the wonderful and exciting things life has to offer decided to exit before she could even grasp what she was leaving behind. Sympathy and sadness do not begin to convey the feelings I have for her parents and family. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. I can't begin to imagine the suffering they are facing and I am sure they need all the strength they can get.

Tuesday's Tidbits

Life has been hectic, but I have picked up a few odds and ends to share.

~ In reviewing Christmas lists Hubby wanted to know what in the world Teen would want with Star Wars action figures. He specifically pointed-out to her that half of what she wants is on thinkgeek.com.   Non-pulsed she looked up and said, "I am your daughter."

~ We all have those moments. Mine came on a rainy car drive in a crowded area. We were rushing to get to the roller rink to have fun. Boy was beside me, using fritos to make tusks and becoming a walrus. When pressed to look I mumbled something about letting me drive. It hit me like a ton of bricks - I was so focused on getting to the fun, I was missing it. So, I looked over and said show me. He replied, "I already ate one of my tusks." After much giggling he donned a new pair to do his walrus imitation.

~ In a hectic moment I was busily trying to tidy the kitchen. Youngest came up to let me know she had to change her clothes. (seems the bus was later than normal and though she ran home, she needed to make a change) She modeled her new outfit and explained, "I observed you cleaning up before, so I knew just what to do." Now if I can only get the rest of the family to observe me on cleaning day.

OK, I have to rush off for Teen's Christmas orchestra concert! Have a great week!

Boys are Different

Having a 5 year-old in the house is an exhausting amazing prospect. The world transitions from hands-on exploration to cognitive deduction and reasoning, at times I swear that you can see the gears turning in their heads. This was certainly the case this past weekend.

We were blessed with the opportunity to care for my 18 month-old nephew for the practically sleepless night of Thanksgiving and the following day. After a morning filled with mom & dad shopping activity, it was time for lunch and a well-deserved nap. While preparing Nephew for his rest, Youngest came in to gloat say good night.

I was just changing his diaper when she took a good look at him. (apparently the first look she has taken in the 5 months he has lived in Sunnyville) She looked to me with questions clearly ready to spring from her lips. Watching her confusion settle into a controllable flow, I completed the diaper change. Youngest then asked, "Is that long circle thing gonna be stuck on his bumm forever?"

"Yup," was all I could manage without bursting into giggles.

After a few moments of gear turning she asked, "So all boys have that kind of bumm?" In response to my second "Yup" she replied "Oh." In a voice better fitted to finding a smashed bug on your shoe.

Thanks in the Darndest Places

Life can sometimes become a hot coal walk. You find yourself jump-hop-limping along from one thing to the next so focused on accomplishing your goal that you can forget to step off the coals for a moment and admire your blessings. Thanksgiving gives us an entire day to simply leave the burning coals for a time and be grateful.

There are days when blessings are everywhere and there are days when you feel as though you are searching for Waldo. When confronted with a "Waldo" day the following may be helpful.

~ Stuck in the car for a 20 minute drive with a teen after telling her she is grounded: Reminding yourself that you do adore the mini-hellion child may help briefly, but being thankful that you were able to bust her in whatever offense she committed may actually bring a smile to your face. 

~ Faced with a day of caring for the neighbor as well as your children when you really need to clean: Being thankful you can send them outside is helpful, but using it as an excuse to abandon all work for a bit and enjoy a morning in the woods is truly something to be thankful for! (knowing grounded teen will opt-out of the trip and can stay home and do her chores is a double blessing!)

~ Creating and completing the 10th Thanksgiving craft with your 5 year-old while trying to make dinner and bake for school feasts: You can remember that these moments are fleeting which you may be ardently hoping as the timer goes off and you are covered with glue and paint, or you can stop and listen to her being thankful for everything from "warm coziness" to her family and realize she has learned this attitude from somewhere though her thankfulness has far less sarcasm peppering it

In any event and in whatever form your blessings may take, I sincerely wish you and "warm cozy" and bountiful Thanksgiving!

Karma It Isn't

The family is gathered around the kitchen, engaged in various activities. Hubby and I are having a conversation while Boy chimes-in, sharing his input. Teen strides into this scene, exclaiming that we "need to see this." Hubby and I look-up, wondering what has her excited enough to: a) leave her room - quickly b) bring the computer & c) interrupt our conversation because she is usually so polite!

Teen proceeds to pull-up and begin playing a video. Hubby & Boy watch the video while Youngest and I work on dinner. There is some conversation about the video and the (much loved) band who recently released an album and apparently a video. In one simple act, she has everyone's attention.

Great. Now, if the world really runs on karma - why do I know so many variations of the next scene?

1. Knock gently, then enter Teen's room. Announce presence, just to be sure. 

2. Watch the book cover (computer screen, sketch pad etc) for signs that my presence has been noted. 

3. Upon hearing the grunted "huh?" respond with request, question, or interesting tidbit to share. 

4. Wait a moment....insist child put down the phone (headphones, IM window) then repeat step 3.

5. Receive large eye roll or WTH look from Teen as she tears herself away to hear the conversation originating in step 3. 

6. Share tidbit, haltingly, because now you aren't too pleased with your reception.

OR

Forget all of the above steps and everytime you want to tell said teen anything, you call her out of her room or away from the computer and insist she give her full attention to you before you start. (must say Hubby is a master at this) It drives her bonkers, but cracks me up. This does fall under legal torture techniques - right?

Change - of Course

It is Friday, so click the link here or the button on my sidebar and head over to DadBlogs to read some wonderful blogs.

Speaking of DadBlogs, I recently (5 minutes ago) read a blog there about whether or not becoming a parent changes your views. It started me thinking rusty machinery that it is. I responded in a decidedly ambiguous manner. But I was changed, forever and markedly by a child. Only he wasn't mine.

While in high school my dad and step mom became foster parents to Joey. He was a tiny thing whose mother was in an institution and father was also institutionalized. Joey was the first foster child in my life. Here I was a high school snot who put herself above most other objects and on a visit to my dad's I meet this little guy. Having nephews & a niece whom I adored, I knew I loved kids. I had been looking forward to a visit with a baby to keep me busy and entertained. But, Joey was different. He was adrift. I adored him.

Over 3 years Joey came and went. He went to his mother when she was well and came back to my dad's when she went crazy. When he was with her my dad and stepmom would babysit and bring her clothes, food, and take her to file for benefits. Because they couldn't just leave Joey. I had conversations on the phone with her, I had seen pictures - she was the mother. She was insane.

Everyone became attached to Joey. He was simply part of our family, my brother. My father would joke that being a foster father is easy "because men become attached after a child is born." Joey was loved.

After these years and many ordeals, that would fill a book. Joey was murdered by his mother. She hung him in the kitchen.

I have no idea what he felt or thought. I imagine that there were angels there to shield and protect him. I hope there were.

This precious little life who would run through the park and say "fick it daddy" every time his radio turned off. The innocent boy who would believe that electronics were sleeping so that we could have some peace with dinner. He was gone. Everyday that fact is with me.

The effects were numerous. My father was changed, there was tragedy and ruin in his eyes. My step-mother threw herself into changing the laws to protect children. The mother was imprisoned and my father went to court to ask for life instead of the death penalty. She was insane. I became an advocate for children. I worked in prevention and education. I made DCF calls on parents and with teens who were abused. I tried to teach parents how to play, care for, and respect their children. Honestly I can't say that I would have made these choices if not for my experience. Life is experience wonderful and terrible and it is the experiences we face that shape who we are and who we become. So, yes - children change us..