Sunday, March 11, 2018

They All Have What???

One minute your talking about your day - the next your youngest declares she is not getting married EVER!

It all started as too many things do around here - talking about animal parts. Don't even get me started on the teat and milk conversation Boy, home for spring break, mentioned that the four-year-old boy from next door had been lifting the guinea pig's back legs off the ground and examining the hind quarters earlier in the day. Chuckling, Boy relayed that Young-Neighbor explained that he was looking for the guinea pig's butt to see if it had one. 

Of course, this led to a reminder to Youngest to care for pets appropriately and all that good stuff, and would typically end there - except Youngest was puzzled.

"Mom, I don't know why [Young-Neighbor] said he didn't know if guinea pigs have butts - he says a lot of times, 'I see that guinea pig's butt,'" Youngest questioned. Repeatedly. And in a variety of ways.

Maybe it was genuine confusion in her voice, maybe I was distracted by the dinner dishes I was finishing, or maybe and most likely I was just tired and dropped my guard, but whichever it was I responded, "Oh well, maybe he was looking to see if guinea pigs have private parts and he said butt instead." 

And a light dawned in her eyes, "OHHHH! You mean he was looking to see if it had a va-china! That's funny - everything has a butt! Why would he look for that?" Here is where I made it worse - but don't judge, I can't have her walking around thinking butt and vagina are synonymous.

"Yes, everyone has a butt." And that is where I could have left it - but knowledge and all that good stuff.... "Not everyone has a vagina though, only girls." Her dismissive laughter rang through the kitchen.

"Mom, everyone has a butt."

So, I explained. 

"WHAT?? Everyone doesn't have a va-china?" 

"Nope, only girls."

"[Boy] doesn't have a va-china? Dad, is this the truth? What about Ollie [the dog]? I saw his bottom!" 

And understanding dawned. She took a bite of Neapolitan ice cream to digest this new world view - and ask specifically about every single male in her social circle at least that is what it felt like.

"All boys and male dogs have a penis. All male animals? All male humans?"

I confirmed that humans are, in fact, animals.

"I am NOT getting married! Not ever!" She declared with all the assurance of a newly converted soul swearing off sin.